[hakimnexen]

Throughout my life, I found that whenever I defended myself against defamatory comments, loss and regret were the main results. At first I would think it wise that I should set things straight when some person criticized me, regardless of whether the criticism was verbal or written. In the end, however, I found the opposite to be true. By defending myself, more enmity resulted, and instead of the restoration of good ties between my critic and myself, he would attempt to malign me even further. Eventually I would wish that I had never confronted him in the first place. It would have been better to forgive, forbear, show patience, turn away, and ignore the defamatory remarks. After all, this is what the Qur’an teaches us:
{Show forgiveness, enjoin what is good, and turn away from the foolish [i.e. don’t punish them].} (Qur’an 7: 199)
{Let them pardon and forgive.} (Qur’an 24: 22)
{Those who repress anger, and who pardon men...}(Qur’an 3: 134)
{And when they are angry they forgive.} (Qur’an 42: 37)
{And when the foolish address them [with bad words] they reply back with mild words of gentleness.} (Qur’an 25: 63)
{Repel [the evil] with one which is better [i.e. Allah ordered the faithful believers to be patient at the time of anger, and to excuse those who treat them badly], then verily! He, between whom and you there was enmity, [will become] as though he was a close friend.} (Qur’an 41: 34)
Therefore, if you hear malicious words from someone, do not answer back: it will only result in multiplying one attack into ten.

Don’t belittle another person’s efforts

Life has taught me to put into practice something that has never failed me: to moderately express my approval of others. This policy always has a positive effect on all sorts of people. Soft and gentle words work wonders on the hearts of people; our religion teaches us to be generous and kind in dealings:
{And by the Mercy of Allah, you dealt with them gently. And had you been severe and harsh-hearted, they would have broken away from about you...} (Qur’an 3:159)
The author of the book How to Win Friends states that an important factor in attracting people to you is to praise and compliment them inordinately. I do not agree: moderation and justice are called for:
{Indeed Allah has set a measure for all things.} (Qur’an 65: 3)
Therefore one should neither flatter others artificially nor be dry and distant with them.
Sure, we could take the path of looking down upon people with supercilious airs; but as a result, it is we who will lose our friends -and not they who will lose us. If you are not friendly, people will soon find someone else to make acquaintance with.
{And be kind and humble to the believers who follow you.}
(Qur’an 26: 215)
Earning the respect of others also contributes to bringing you happiness. Muslims are Allah’s witnesses on earth and they pray for each other’s forgiveness.
{... and speak good to people. . .} (Qur’an 2: 83)
In life, I have been especially impressed by those who are charismatic in their dealings — those who seem to attract others magnetically by their good character. They always wear a smile for others, they have honest tongues, and their hearts are free from jealousy and rancor.
With the permission of Allah, it is within the reach of every one of us to achieve acceptance among the people of the earth. This acceptance is not bought with treasures or wealth, but it is earned through sincerity towards Allah, truthfulness, the love of Allah and His Messenger (bpuh), a love for spreading good to others, and a lowly opinion of one’s own self
To achieve these and other good qualities, we must make an honest effort, because they require an upward climb. Evil characteristics are easily achieved for whoever wants them, for they demand only a downward descent.
An Arab poet said:
“The evil character soon ceases to feel his wickedness,
A bodily injury causes no pain for the dead.”
The person who is self-absorbed is likely to feel inferior and melancholic on the inside. And there are some people who think more highly of themselves than they should. A few examples of such people come to mind, people who made some efforts to contribute to society, later feeling that their work deserved a lifetime’s achievement award.
One student I knew wrote a few small booklets that were targeted at young Muslims. I wanted to encourage him, so I complimented him on his efforts. Then, he began to talk endlessly about the booklets, about how widely they were distributed, and about how much acclaim they had received. I was amazed at this person’s vision of himself, but I also learned from him how people hate to be overlooked or put down.
On another occasion, I heard a taped lecture of a student. I invited him to my home, intending to encourage him to continue his efforts in seeking knowledge of Islam. When I mentioned the tape, he found his opportunity. He began by invoking Allah to benefit the entire Muslim nation through his lecture. He then continued to expound on how he had researched the topic. Before calling him, I had never expected him to be so self-centered. My conversation with him also made me realize that it is in human nature to give more worth to one’s own self than it deserves. Therefore be wary of putting somebody down:
{Let not a group scoff at another group, it may be that the latter are better than the former; nor let [some] women scoff at other women, it may be that the latter are better than the former..}
(Qur’an 49: 11)
People will love you if you applaud their efforts and give them attention:
{And turn not away those who invoke their Lord, morning and afternoon...} (Qur’an 6: 52)
{And keep yourself [O’ Muhammad] patiently with those who call on their Lord [i.e. your companions who remember their Lord with glorification, praising in prayers, etc., and other righteous deeds, etc.] morning and afternoon...} (Qur’an 18: 28)
{[The Prophet] frowned and turned away, because there came to him the blind man [i.e. ‘Abdullah ibn Umm-Maktoom, who came to the Prophet while he was preaching to one or some of the Quraysh chiefs]. But what could tell you that per chance he might become pure [from sins]?} (Qur’an 80: 1-3)
During my high school years, I not only studied poetry, but I also composed it. On one occasion, the students of another school visited us. At the welcome party, I was asked to recite some of my poetry, not because of any skill that I could lay claim to, but because I was the only one in our school who had an inclination to verse.
I read some of my poetry aloud and the Literature teacher praised both my style and use of words, and I actually believed him. I thought that I had written something of genius and only when I was older and had returned to those lines did I realize how sophomoric my work really was.
The only thing we gain by putting others down is an extra enemy. Therefore be just in recognizing the efforts of others, and compliment them for their virtues.

Deal with others as you would have them deal with you
A wise person said that the one who seeks out the faults of others is like a fly — it lands only on that which is foul. Some people are afflicted with the word “but.” Every time you mention someone to them, they will say something along the lines of, “He has some good in him, but...” What follows “but” is always criticism, blame, and censure.
{Woe to every slanderer and backbiter.} (Qur’an 104: 1)
{A slanderer, going about with calumnies.} (Qur’an 68: 11)
{Neither backbite one another.} (Qur’an 49: 12)
The more just we are with others, the greater will their respect be for us. The opposite holds true also. No intelligent person can think that he will earn the respect and praise of others by belittling them and putting them down.
{Woe to Al-Mutaffifeen [those who give less in measure and weight (decrease the rights of others)].} (Qur’an 83: 1)

Be fair

Be fair to your friends and call them by those names that they love most; do not use nicknames that they hate. Would you like it if others did the same to you?
Be fair to your wife. How often is it for a woman, that after an entire day of cooking, dusting, and cleaning, her husband returns home and is blind to her efforts? His indifference does more damage than any talk can do in making her feel inadequate and ignored.
So be attentive to others and thank them for any good that they do. Praise your wife’s appearance if she takes time to look good for you and thank her for her daily devotion to you.

Avoid being artificial

I once read a poem of Abu Reeshah and was instantly captivated by his words. I memorized the poem and studied Abu Reeshah’s style. Soon afterwards, I had to present a poem at a school recital, so I tried to copy Abu Reesha’s style — the only problem being that I am not Abu Reesha. Hence the words that came out lacked coherence, and the poem in general was stale and insipid. After that day I stopped copying other peoples’ styles. I began to write according to what I felt, and in this way I was automatically able to infuse my personality into my poetry. Similarly, I once prayed behind an Imam in Jeddah. He was trying to copy a famous reciter; how far he was, though, from achieving the desired effect! His voice was too different from the famous reciter and the attempt at imitation seemed blatantly affected. It was hard for me to bear his effort because I was feeling all along how hard he was struggling to reach similarity. I realized that Allah created every person with distinct qualities, characteristics, and talents:
{To each among you, We have prescribed a law and a clear way.}
(Qur’an 5: 48)
If you want to excel in something, try to follow a way that suits both your nature and your ability:
{Say. [O’ Muhammad to mankind]: ‘Each one acts according to Shaakilatihi [i.e. his way, his disposition, his religion, or his intentions, etc.].} (Qur’an 17: 84)

If you really cannot do something, leave it

I used to give the Friday sermon in the city of Abha. Most of my sermons dealt with different aspects of the Prophet’s life, and this became something of a specialty with me and was something with which I felt comfortable. Somebody had asked me to give a sermon about the increasing tendency of extravagant dowries. I was loath to comply with this request because I felt more comfortable in speaking about the biography of the Prophet (bpuh). Nevertheless, I gave an impromptu sermon on the requested topic. I quoted verses from the Qur’an and sayings of the Messenger of Allah (bpuh). I was covering the topic in a desultory manner, and as I was speaking, I felt the sweat trickle down my forehead. After my sermon was over, I felt that I had done a very poor job in speaking about the subject, and so I resolved to stick to what I excelled at.
.nor am I one of the Mutakallifoon {those who pretend and fabricate things which do not exist].} (Qur’an 38: 86)
Every one of us should work in a field that he is skilled in. The Prophet (Blessings and Peace be upon him) said:
“Indeed, Allah loves for each of you, when he works at something, to perfect it.”

Do not be chaotic in your life

One day I gathered twelve different commentaries of the Qur’an:
At-Tabari, Ibn Katheer, Al-Baghawi, Az-Zamakhshari, Al-Qurtubi, Az-Zilaal, As-Shinquiti, Ar-Raazi, Fath ul-Qadeer, Al-Khaazin, Abu Mas‘ood, and Al-Qaasimi (some in this list are the names of the authors while others are the names of the actual books). I had intended to read every day the commentary of one verse of the Qur’an from each of these books. I planned to read the explanation of the daily verse from the first book, then the second, and so on, until I had completed them all. I tried this for a while but I quickly felt bored and exhausted. It is true that I was enthusiastic, but I had been too hasty in planning and in choosing a proper method of study.
To the student of the Islamic sciences I give this advice: do not overburden yourself with a great number of books. A better way is to plan and choose carefully what you read. It is of utmost importance to be consistent, even if you do only a little. The most favorite deed of the Prophet (bpuh) was the one that was practiced consistently, even if the deed was a small one.

The Mutual rivalry for piling up of worldly things diverts you:

{The Mutual rivalry for piling up of worldly things diverts you.}
(Qur’an 102: 1)
Once, after having received a handsome sum of money, I rushed to the bookstore with the intention of buying a copy of every book I could get my hands on; the enthusiasm of the moment overwhelmed me. I filled the shelves of my wall with books from many of the sciences. The topics included Islamic jurisprudence, sociology, and books on general knowledge. I wanted to begin to read, but I didn’t know how to go about choosing a starting point. I found that different books in the same science tended to overlap each other. I found others to contain little of significance. I consulted some eminent scholars and asked them how I should go about studying. They guided me to a way that has proven to be successful. They suggested that I read only the main reference books in each Islamic science and that I study them in depth. All other books, they said, I should leave alone, except when research on a specific issue calls for going to a number of books. I was very pleased with the results; I felt more organized and comfortable in following their simple yet sensible advice.
{The mutual rivalry for piling up of worldly things diverts you, until you visit the graves [i.e. till you die].} (Qur’an 102: 1-2)
There are some students who go to the extreme of searching for rare manuscripts. They are always gathering copies of rare books, yet you will find that most of them have not even completely read the most important reference books in the Islamic sciences. One person I know was sad that he couldn’t get a copy of the commentary of Muqaatil ibn Sulaiman, and yet he hadn’t even completely read the explanation of Ibn Katheer!
{And there are among them [Jews] unlettered people, who know not the Book, but they trust upon false desires and they but guess.}
(Qur’an 2: 78)
Never pursue minor issues when more important ones should be dealt with first. Whoever does not know his purpose will have a long and tiring journey that leads to nowhere.

Conclusion

Let us all seek the pleasure of Allah, Lord of all that exists. Let us stand before Him in worship, without associating any partners with Him; let us ask Him ardently and then wait patiently for the answer. For truly, He is sufficient for us; He is the One who Cures; He is the Creator and Provider; He alone brings to life and causes death.
{‘Our Lord! Give us in this world that which is good and in the Hereafter that which is good, and save us from the torment of the Fire! ’} (Qur’an 2: 201)
“O’ Allah, grant us health and well-being always, in this world and in the Hereafter”
“O’ Allah, we ask you with the best of what your
Messenger Muhammad asked, and we seek refuge in
You from the worst of that which your Messenger
Muhammad sought refuge from.”
“O’ Allah, we seek refuge in You from anxiety and grief we seek refuge in You from incapability and laziness; we seek refuge in You from miserliness and cowardliness; We seek refuge in You from the burden of debt and from the subjugation of man