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6 - 11 - 2009 12:07 AM |
Winter's Tale: Entire PlayRe-enter AUTOLYCUS
AUTOLYCUSHa, ha! what a fool Honesty is! and Trust, his
sworn brother, a very simple gentleman! I have sold
all my trumpery; not a counterfeit stone, not a
ribbon, glass, pomander, brooch, table-book, ballad,
knife, tape, glove, shoe-tie, bracelet, horn-ring,
to keep my pack from fasting: they throng who
should buy first, as if my trinkets had been
hallowed and brought a benediction to the buyer:
by which means I saw whose purse was best in
picture; and what I saw, to my good use I
remembered. My clown, who wants but something to
be a reasonable man, grew so in love with the
wenches' song, that he would not stir his pettitoes
till he had both tune and words; which so drew the
rest of the herd to me that all their other senses
stuck in ears: you might have pinched a placket, it
was senseless; 'twas nothing to geld a codpiece of a
purse; I could have filed keys off that hung in
chains: no hearing, no feeling, but my sir's song,
and admiring the nothing of it. So that in this
time of lethargy I picked and cut most of their
festival purses; and had not the old man come in
with a whoo-bub against his daughter and the king's
son and scared my choughs from the chaff, I had not
left a purse alive in the whole army.
CAMILLO, FLORIZEL, and PERDITA come forward
CAMILLONay, but my letters, by this means being there
So soon as you arrive, shall clear that doubt.
FLORIZELAnd those that you'll procure from King Leontes--
CAMILLOShall satisfy your father.
PERDITAHappy be you!
All that you speak shows fair.
CAMILLOWho have we here?
Seeing AUTOLYCUS
We'll make an instrument of this, omit
Nothing may give us aid.
AUTOLYCUSIf they have overheard me now, why, hanging.
CAMILLOHow now, good fellow! why shakest thou so? Fear
not, man; here's no harm intended to thee.
AUTOLYCUSI am a poor fellow, sir.
CAMILLOWhy, be so still; here's nobody will steal that from
thee: yet for the outside of thy poverty we must
make an exchange; therefore discase thee instantly,
--thou must think there's a necessity in't,--and
change garments with this gentleman: though the
pennyworth on his side be the worst, yet hold thee,
there's some boot.
AUTOLYCUSI am a poor fellow, sir.
Aside
I know ye well enough.
CAMILLONay, prithee, dispatch: the gentleman is half
flayed already.
AUTOLYCUSAre you in earnest, sir?
Aside
I smell the trick on't.
FLORIZELDispatch, I prithee.
AUTOLYCUSIndeed, I have had earnest: but I cannot with
conscience take it.
CAMILLOUnbuckle, unbuckle.
FLORIZEL and AUTOLYCUS exchange garments
Fortunate mistress,--let my prophecy
Come home to ye!--you must retire yourself
Into some covert: take your sweetheart's hat
And pluck it o'er your brows, muffle your face,
Dismantle you, and, as you can, disliken
The truth of your own seeming; that you may--
For I do fear eyes over--to shipboard
Get undescried.
PERDITAI see the play so lies
That I must bear a part.
CAMILLONo remedy.
Have you done there?
FLORIZELShould I now meet my father,
He would not call me son.
CAMILLONay, you shall have no hat.
Giving it to PERDITA
Come, lady, come. Farewell, my friend.
AUTOLYCUSAdieu, sir.
FLORIZELO Perdita, what have we twain forgot!
Pray you, a word.
CAMILLO[Aside] What I do next, shall be to tell the king
Of this escape and whither they are bound;
Wherein my hope is I shall so prevail
To force him after: in whose company
I shall review Sicilia, for whose sight
I have a woman's longing.
FLORIZELFortune speed us!
Thus we set on, Camillo, to the sea-side.
CAMILLOThe swifter speed the better.
Exeunt FLORIZEL, PERDITA, and CAMILLO
AUTOLYCUSI understand the business, I hear it: to have an
open ear, a quick eye, and a nimble hand, is
necessary for a cut-purse; a good nose is requisite
also, to smell out work for the other senses. I see
this is the time that the unjust man doth thrive.
What an exchange had this been without boot! What
a boot is here with this exchange! Sure the gods do
this year connive at us, and we may do any thing
extempore. The prince himself is about a piece of
iniquity, stealing away from his father with his
clog at his heels: if I thought it were a piece of
honesty to acquaint the king withal, I would not
do't: I hold it the more knavery to conceal it;
and therein am I constant to my profession.
Re-enter Clown and Shepherd
Aside, aside; here is more matter for a hot brain:
every lane's end, every shop, church, session,
hanging, yields a careful man work.
ClownSee, see; what a man you are now!
There is no other way but to tell the king
she's a changeling and none of your flesh and blood.
ShepherdNay, but hear me.
ClownNay, but hear me.
ShepherdGo to, then.
ClownShe being none of your flesh and blood, your flesh
and blood has not offended the king; and so your
flesh and blood is not to be punished by him. Show
those things you found about her, those secret
things, all but what she has with her: this being
done, let the law go whistle: I warrant you.
ShepherdI will tell the king all, every word, yea, and his
son's pranks too; who, I may say, is no honest man,
neither to his father nor to me, to go about to make
me the king's brother-in-law.
ClownIndeed, brother-in-law was the farthest off you
could have been to him and then your blood had been
the dearer by I know how much an ounce.
AUTOLYCUS[Aside] Very wisely, puppies!
ShepherdWell, let us to the king: there is that in this
fardel will make him scratch his beard.
AUTOLYCUS[Aside] I know not what impediment this complaint
may be to the flight of my master.
ClownPray heartily he be at palace.
AUTOLYCUS[Aside] Though I am not naturally honest, I am so
sometimes by chance: let me pocket up my pedlar's excrement.
Takes off his false beard
How now, rustics! whither are you bound?
ShepherdTo the palace, an it like your worship.
AUTOLYCUSYour affairs there, what, with whom, the condition
of that fardel, the place of your dwelling, your
names, your ages, of what having, breeding, and any
thing that is fitting to be known, discover.
ClownWe are but plain fellows, sir.
AUTOLYCUSA lie; you are rough and hairy. Let me have no
lying: it becomes none but tradesmen, and they
often give us soldiers the lie: but we pay them for
it with stamped coin, not stabbing steel; therefore
they do not give us the lie.
ClownYour worship had like to have given us one, if you
had not taken yourself with the manner.
ShepherdAre you a courtier, an't like you, sir?
AUTOLYCUSWhether it like me or no, I am a courtier. Seest
thou not the air of the court in these enfoldings?
hath not my gait in it the measure of the court?
receives not thy nose court-odor from me? reflect I
not on thy baseness court-contempt? Thinkest thou,
for that I insinuate, or toaze from thee thy
business, I am therefore no courtier? I am courtier
cap-a-pe; and one that will either push on or pluck
back thy business there: whereupon I command thee to
open thy affair.
ShepherdMy business, sir, is to the king.
AUTOLYCUSWhat advocate hast thou to him?
ShepherdI know not, an't like you.
ClownAdvocate's the court-word for a pheasant: say you
have none.
ShepherdNone, sir; I have no pheasant, cock nor hen.
AUTOLYCUSHow blessed are we that are not simple men!
Yet nature might have made me as these are,
Therefore I will not disdain.
ClownThis cannot be but a great courtier.
ShepherdHis garments are rich, but he wears
them not handsomely.
ClownHe seems to be the more noble in being fantastical:
a great man, I'll warrant; I know by the picking
on's teeth.
AUTOLYCUSThe fardel there? what's i' the fardel?
Wherefore that box?
ShepherdSir, there lies such secrets in this fardel and box,
which none must know but the king; and which he
shall know within this hour, if I may come to the
speech of him.
AUTOLYCUSAge, thou hast lost thy labour.
ShepherdWhy, sir?
AUTOLYCUSThe king is not at the palace; he is gone aboard a
new ship to purge melancholy and air himself: for,
if thou beest capable of things serious, thou must
know the king is full of grief.
ShepardSo 'tis said, sir; about his son, that should have
married a shepherd's daughter.
AUTOLYCUSIf that shepherd be not in hand-fast, let him fly:
the curses he shall have, the tortures he shall
feel, will break the back of man, the heart of monster.
ClownThink you so, sir?
AUTOLYCUSNot he alone shall suffer what wit can make heavy
and vengeance bitter; but those that are germane to
him, though removed fifty times, shall all come
under the hangman: which though it be great pity,
yet it is necessary. An old sheep-whistling rogue a
ram-tender, to offer to have his daughter come into
grace! Some say he shall be stoned; but that death
is too soft for him, say I draw our throne into a
sheep-cote! all deaths are too few, the sharpest too easy.
ClownHas the old man e'er a son, sir, do you hear. an't
like you, sir?
AUTOLYCUSHe has a son, who shall be flayed alive; then
'nointed over with honey, set on the head of a
wasp's nest; then stand till he be three quarters
and a dram dead; then recovered again with
aqua-vitae or some other hot infusion; then, raw as
he is, and in the hottest day prognostication
proclaims, shall be be set against a brick-wall, the
sun looking with a southward eye upon him, where he
is to behold him with flies blown to death. But what
talk we of these traitorly rascals, whose miseries
are to be smiled at, their offences being so
capital? Tell me, for you seem to be honest plain
men, what you have to the king: being something
gently considered, I'll bring you where he is
aboard, tender your persons to his presence,
whisper him in your behalfs; and if it be in man
besides the king to effect your suits, here is man
shall do it.
ClownHe seems to be of great authority: close with him,
give him gold; and though authority be a stubborn
bear, yet he is oft led by the nose with gold: show
the inside of your purse to the outside of his hand,
and no more ado. Remember 'stoned,' and 'flayed alive.'
ShepherdAn't please you, sir, to undertake the business for
us, here is that gold I have: I'll make it as much
more and leave this young man in pawn till I bring it you.
AUTOLYCUSAfter I have done what I promised?
ShepherdAy, sir.
Winter's Tale: Entire PlayRe-enter AUTOLYCUS
AUTOLYCUSHa, ha! what a fool Honesty is! and Trust, his
sworn brother, a very simple gentleman! I have sold
all my trumpery; not a counterfeit stone, not a
ribbon, glass, pomander, brooch, table-book, ballad,
knife, tape, glove, shoe-tie, bracelet, horn-ring,
to keep my pack from fasting: they throng who
should buy first, as if my trinkets had been
hallowed and brought a benediction to the buyer:
by which means I saw whose purse was best in
picture; and what I saw, to my good use I
remembered. My clown, who wants but something to
be a reasonable man, grew so in love with the
wenches' song, that he would not stir his pettitoes
till he had both tune and words; which so drew the
rest of the herd to me that all their other senses
stuck in ears: you might have pinched a placket, it
was senseless; 'twas nothing to geld a codpiece of a
purse; I could have filed keys off that hung in
chains: no hearing, no feeling, but my sir's song,
and admiring the nothing of it. So that in this
time of lethargy I picked and cut most of their
festival purses; and had not the old man come in
with a whoo-bub against his daughter and the king's
son and scared my choughs from the chaff, I had not
left a purse alive in the whole army.
CAMILLO, FLORIZEL, and PERDITA come forward
CAMILLONay, but my letters, by this means being there
So soon as you arrive, shall clear that doubt.
FLORIZELAnd those that you'll procure from King Leontes--
CAMILLOShall satisfy your father.
PERDITAHappy be you!
All that you speak shows fair.
CAMILLOWho have we here?
Seeing AUTOLYCUS
We'll make an instrument of this, omit
Nothing may give us aid.
AUTOLYCUSIf they have overheard me now, why, hanging.
CAMILLOHow now, good fellow! why shakest thou so? Fear
not, man; here's no harm intended to thee.
AUTOLYCUSI am a poor fellow, sir.
CAMILLOWhy, be so still; here's nobody will steal that from
thee: yet for the outside of thy poverty we must
make an exchange; therefore discase thee instantly,
--thou must think there's a necessity in't,--and
change garments with this gentleman: though the
pennyworth on his side be the worst, yet hold thee,
there's some boot.
AUTOLYCUSI am a poor fellow, sir.
Aside
I know ye well enough.
CAMILLONay, prithee, dispatch: the gentleman is half
flayed already.
AUTOLYCUSAre you in earnest, sir?
Aside
I smell the trick on't.
FLORIZELDispatch, I prithee.
AUTOLYCUSIndeed, I have had earnest: but I cannot with
conscience take it.
CAMILLOUnbuckle, unbuckle.
FLORIZEL and AUTOLYCUS exchange garments
Fortunate mistress,--let my prophecy
Come home to ye!--you must retire yourself
Into some covert: take your sweetheart's hat
And pluck it o'er your brows, muffle your face,
Dismantle you, and, as you can, disliken
The truth of your own seeming; that you may--
For I do fear eyes over--to shipboard
Get undescried.
PERDITAI see the play so lies
That I must bear a part.
CAMILLONo remedy.
Have you done there?
FLORIZELShould I now meet my father,
He would not call me son.
CAMILLONay, you shall have no hat.
Giving it to PERDITA
Come, lady, come. Farewell, my friend.
AUTOLYCUSAdieu, sir.
FLORIZELO Perdita, what have we twain forgot!
Pray you, a word.
CAMILLO[Aside] What I do next, shall be to tell the king
Of this escape and whither they are bound;
Wherein my hope is I shall so prevail
To force him after: in whose company
I shall review Sicilia, for whose sight
I have a woman's longing.
FLORIZELFortune speed us!
Thus we set on, Camillo, to the sea-side.
CAMILLOThe swifter speed the better.
Exeunt FLORIZEL, PERDITA, and CAMILLO
AUTOLYCUSI understand the business, I hear it: to have an
open ear, a quick eye, and a nimble hand, is
necessary for a cut-purse; a good nose is requisite
also, to smell out work for the other senses. I see
this is the time that the unjust man doth thrive.
What an exchange had this been without boot! What
a boot is here with this exchange! Sure the gods do
this year connive at us, and we may do any thing
extempore. The prince himself is about a piece of
iniquity, stealing away from his father with his
clog at his heels: if I thought it were a piece of
honesty to acquaint the king withal, I would not
do't: I hold it the more knavery to conceal it;
and therein am I constant to my profession.
Re-enter Clown and Shepherd
Aside, aside; here is more matter for a hot brain:
every lane's end, every shop, church, session,
hanging, yields a careful man work.
ClownSee, see; what a man you are now!
There is no other way but to tell the king
she's a changeling and none of your flesh and blood.
ShepherdNay, but hear me.
ClownNay, but hear me.
ShepherdGo to, then.
ClownShe being none of your flesh and blood, your flesh
and blood has not offended the king; and so your
flesh and blood is not to be punished by him. Show
those things you found about her, those secret
things, all but what she has with her: this being
done, let the law go whistle: I warrant you.
ShepherdI will tell the king all, every word, yea, and his
son's pranks too; who, I may say, is no honest man,
neither to his father nor to me, to go about to make
me the king's brother-in-law.
ClownIndeed, brother-in-law was the farthest off you
could have been to him and then your blood had been
the dearer by I know how much an ounce.
AUTOLYCUS[Aside] Very wisely, puppies!
ShepherdWell, let us to the king: there is that in this
fardel will make him scratch his beard.
AUTOLYCUS[Aside] I know not what impediment this complaint
may be to the flight of my master.
ClownPray heartily he be at palace.
AUTOLYCUS[Aside] Though I am not naturally honest, I am so
sometimes by chance: let me pocket up my pedlar's excrement.
Takes off his false beard
How now, rustics! whither are you bound?
ShepherdTo the palace, an it like your worship.
AUTOLYCUSYour affairs there, what, with whom, the condition
of that fardel, the place of your dwelling, your
names, your ages, of what having, breeding, and any
thing that is fitting to be known, discover.
ClownWe are but plain fellows, sir.
AUTOLYCUSA lie; you are rough and hairy. Let me have no
lying: it becomes none but tradesmen, and they
often give us soldiers the lie: but we pay them for
it with stamped coin, not stabbing steel; therefore
they do not give us the lie.
ClownYour worship had like to have given us one, if you
had not taken yourself with the manner.
ShepherdAre you a courtier, an't like you, sir?
AUTOLYCUSWhether it like me or no, I am a courtier. Seest
thou not the air of the court in these enfoldings?
hath not my gait in it the measure of the court?
receives not thy nose court-odor from me? reflect I
not on thy baseness court-contempt? Thinkest thou,
for that I insinuate, or toaze from thee thy
business, I am therefore no courtier? I am courtier
cap-a-pe; and one that will either push on or pluck
back thy business there: whereupon I command thee to
open thy affair.
ShepherdMy business, sir, is to the king.
AUTOLYCUSWhat advocate hast thou to him?
ShepherdI know not, an't like you.
ClownAdvocate's the court-word for a pheasant: say you
have none.
ShepherdNone, sir; I have no pheasant, cock nor hen.
AUTOLYCUSHow blessed are we that are not simple men!
Yet nature might have made me as these are,
Therefore I will not disdain.
ClownThis cannot be but a great courtier.
ShepherdHis garments are rich, but he wears
them not handsomely.
ClownHe seems to be the more noble in being fantastical:
a great man, I'll warrant; I know by the picking
on's teeth.
AUTOLYCUSThe fardel there? what's i' the fardel?
Wherefore that box?
ShepherdSir, there lies such secrets in this fardel and box,
which none must know but the king; and which he
shall know within this hour, if I may come to the
speech of him.
AUTOLYCUSAge, thou hast lost thy labour.
ShepherdWhy, sir?
AUTOLYCUSThe king is not at the palace; he is gone aboard a
new ship to purge melancholy and air himself: for,
if thou beest capable of things serious, thou must
know the king is full of grief.
ShepardSo 'tis said, sir; about his son, that should have
married a shepherd's daughter.
AUTOLYCUSIf that shepherd be not in hand-fast, let him fly:
the curses he shall have, the tortures he shall
feel, will break the back of man, the heart of monster.
ClownThink you so, sir?
AUTOLYCUSNot he alone shall suffer what wit can make heavy
and vengeance bitter; but those that are germane to
him, though removed fifty times, shall all come
under the hangman: which though it be great pity,
yet it is necessary. An old sheep-whistling rogue a
ram-tender, to offer to have his daughter come into
grace! Some say he shall be stoned; but that death
is too soft for him, say I draw our throne into a
sheep-cote! all deaths are too few, the sharpest too easy.
ClownHas the old man e'er a son, sir, do you hear. an't
like you, sir?
AUTOLYCUSHe has a son, who shall be flayed alive; then
'nointed over with honey, set on the head of a
wasp's nest; then stand till he be three quarters
and a dram dead; then recovered again with
aqua-vitae or some other hot infusion; then, raw as
he is, and in the hottest day prognostication
proclaims, shall be be set against a brick-wall, the
sun looking with a southward eye upon him, where he
is to behold him with flies blown to death. But what
talk we of these traitorly rascals, whose miseries
are to be smiled at, their offences being so
capital? Tell me, for you seem to be honest plain
men, what you have to the king: being something
gently considered, I'll bring you where he is
aboard, tender your persons to his presence,
whisper him in your behalfs; and if it be in man
besides the king to effect your suits, here is man
shall do it.
ClownHe seems to be of great authority: close with him,
give him gold; and though authority be a stubborn
bear, yet he is oft led by the nose with gold: show
the inside of your purse to the outside of his hand,
and no more ado. Remember 'stoned,' and 'flayed alive.'
ShepherdAn't please you, sir, to undertake the business for
us, here is that gold I have: I'll make it as much
more and leave this young man in pawn till I bring it you.
AUTOLYCUSAfter I have done what I promised?
ShepherdAy, sir.
Winter's Tale: Entire PlayRe-enter AUTOLYCUS
AUTOLYCUSHa, ha! what a fool Honesty is! and Trust, his
sworn brother, a very simple gentleman! I have sold
all my trumpery; not a counterfeit stone, not a
ribbon, glass, pomander, brooch, table-book, ballad,
knife, tape, glove, shoe-tie, bracelet, horn-ring,
to keep my pack from fasting: they throng who
should buy first, as if my trinkets had been
hallowed and brought a benediction to the buyer:
by which means I saw whose purse was best in
picture; and what I saw, to my good use I
remembered. My clown, who wants but something to
be a reasonable man, grew so in love with the
wenches' song, that he would not stir his pettitoes
till he had both tune and words; which so drew the
rest of the herd to me that all their other senses
stuck in ears: you might have pinched a placket, it
was senseless; 'twas nothing to geld a codpiece of a
purse; I could have filed keys off that hung in
chains: no hearing, no feeling, but my sir's song,
and admiring the nothing of it. So that in this
time of lethargy I picked and cut most of their
festival purses; and had not the old man come in
with a whoo-bub against his daughter and the king's
son and scared my choughs from the chaff, I had not
left a purse alive in the whole army.
CAMILLO, FLORIZEL, and PERDITA come forward
CAMILLONay, but my letters, by this means being there
So soon as you arrive, shall clear that doubt.
FLORIZELAnd those that you'll procure from King Leontes--
CAMILLOShall satisfy your father.
PERDITAHappy be you!
All that you speak shows fair.
CAMILLOWho have we here?
Seeing AUTOLYCUS
We'll make an instrument of this, omit
Nothing may give us aid.
AUTOLYCUSIf they have overheard me now, why, hanging.
CAMILLOHow now, good fellow! why shakest thou so? Fear
not, man; here's no harm intended to thee.
AUTOLYCUSI am a poor fellow, sir.
CAMILLOWhy, be so still; here's nobody will steal that from
thee: yet for the outside of thy poverty we must
make an exchange; therefore discase thee instantly,
--thou must think there's a necessity in't,--and
change garments with this gentleman: though the
pennyworth on his side be the worst, yet hold thee,
there's some boot.
AUTOLYCUSI am a poor fellow, sir.
Aside
I know ye well enough.
CAMILLONay, prithee, dispatch: the gentleman is half
flayed already.
AUTOLYCUSAre you in earnest, sir?
Aside
I smell the trick on't.
FLORIZELDispatch, I prithee.
AUTOLYCUSIndeed, I have had earnest: but I cannot with
conscience take it.
CAMILLOUnbuckle, unbuckle.
FLORIZEL and AUTOLYCUS exchange garments
Fortunate mistress,--let my prophecy
Come home to ye!--you must retire yourself
Into some covert: take your sweetheart's hat
And pluck it o'er your brows, muffle your face,
Dismantle you, and, as you can, disliken
The truth of your own seeming; that you may--
For I do fear eyes over--to shipboard
Get undescried.
PERDITAI see the play so lies
That I must bear a part.
CAMILLONo remedy.
Have you done there?
FLORIZELShould I now meet my father,
He would not call me son.
CAMILLONay, you shall have no hat.
Giving it to PERDITA
Come, lady, come. Farewell, my friend.
AUTOLYCUSAdieu, sir.
FLORIZELO Perdita, what have we twain forgot!
Pray you, a word.
CAMILLO[Aside] What I do next, shall be to tell the king
Of this escape and whither they are bound;
Wherein my hope is I shall so prevail
To force him after: in whose company
I shall review Sicilia, for whose sight
I have a woman's longing.
FLORIZELFortune speed us!
Thus we set on, Camillo, to the sea-side.
CAMILLOThe swifter speed the better.
Exeunt FLORIZEL, PERDITA, and CAMILLO
AUTOLYCUSI understand the business, I hear it: to have an
open ear, a quick eye, and a nimble hand, is
necessary for a cut-purse; a good nose is requisite
also, to smell out work for the other senses. I see
this is the time that the unjust man doth thrive.
What an exchange had this been without boot! What
a boot is here with this exchange! Sure the gods do
this year connive at us, and we may do any thing
extempore. The prince himself is about a piece of
iniquity, stealing away from his father with his
clog at his heels: if I thought it were a piece of
honesty to acquaint the king withal, I would not
do't: I hold it the more knavery to conceal it;
and therein am I constant to my profession.
Re-enter Clown and Shepherd
Aside, aside; here is more matter for a hot brain:
every lane's end, every shop, church, session,
hanging, yields a careful man work.
ClownSee, see; what a man you are now!
There is no other way but to tell the king
she's a changeling and none of your flesh and blood.
ShepherdNay, but hear me.
ClownNay, but hear me.
ShepherdGo to, then.
ClownShe being none of your flesh and blood, your flesh
and blood has not offended the king; and so your
flesh and blood is not to be punished by him. Show
those things you found about her, those secret
things, all but what she has with her: this being
done, let the law go whistle: I warrant you.
ShepherdI will tell the king all, every word, yea, and his
son's pranks too; who, I may say, is no honest man,
neither to his father nor to me, to go about to make
me the king's brother-in-law.
ClownIndeed, brother-in-law was the farthest off you
could have been to him and then your blood had been
the dearer by I know how much an ounce.
AUTOLYCUS[Aside] Very wisely, puppies!
ShepherdWell, let us to the king: there is that in this
fardel will make him scratch his beard.
AUTOLYCUS[Aside] I know not what impediment this complaint
may be to the flight of my master.
ClownPray heartily he be at palace.
AUTOLYCUS[Aside] Though I am not naturally honest, I am so
sometimes by chance: let me pocket up my pedlar's excrement.
Takes off his false beard
How now, rustics! whither are you bound?
ShepherdTo the palace, an it like your worship.
AUTOLYCUSYour affairs there, what, with whom, the condition
of that fardel, the place of your dwelling, your
names, your ages, of what having, breeding, and any
thing that is fitting to be known, discover.
ClownWe are but plain fellows, sir.
AUTOLYCUSA lie; you are rough and hairy. Let me have no
lying: it becomes none but tradesmen, and they
often give us soldiers the lie: but we pay them for
it with stamped coin, not stabbing steel; therefore
they do not give us the lie.
ClownYour worship had like to have given us one, if you
had not taken yourself with the manner.
ShepherdAre you a courtier, an't like you, sir?
AUTOLYCUSWhether it like me or no, I am a courtier. Seest
thou not the air of the court in these enfoldings?
hath not my gait in it the measure of the court?
receives not thy nose court-odor from me? reflect I
not on thy baseness court-contempt? Thinkest thou,
for that I insinuate, or toaze from thee thy
business, I am therefore no courtier? I am courtier
cap-a-pe; and one that will either push on or pluck
back thy business there: whereupon I command thee to
open thy affair.
ShepherdMy business, sir, is to the king.
AUTOLYCUSWhat advocate hast thou to him?
ShepherdI know not, an't like you.
ClownAdvocate's the court-word for a pheasant: say you
have none.
ShepherdNone, sir; I have no pheasant, cock nor hen.
AUTOLYCUSHow blessed are we that are not simple men!
Yet nature might have made me as these are,
Therefore I will not disdain.
ClownThis cannot be but a great courtier.
ShepherdHis garments are rich, but he wears
them not handsomely.
ClownHe seems to be the more noble in being fantastical:
a great man, I'll warrant; I know by the picking
on's teeth.
AUTOLYCUSThe fardel there? what's i' the fardel?
Wherefore that box?
ShepherdSir, there lies such secrets in this fardel and box,
which none must know but the king; and which he
shall know within this hour, if I may come to the
speech of him.
AUTOLYCUSAge, thou hast lost thy labour.
ShepherdWhy, sir?
AUTOLYCUSThe king is not at the palace; he is gone aboard a
new ship to purge melancholy and air himself: for,
if thou beest capable of things serious, thou must
know the king is full of grief.
ShepardSo 'tis said, sir; about his son, that should have
married a shepherd's daughter.
AUTOLYCUSIf that shepherd be not in hand-fast, let him fly:
the curses he shall have, the tortures he shall
feel, will break the back of man, the heart of monster.
ClownThink you so, sir?
AUTOLYCUSNot he alone shall suffer what wit can make heavy
and vengeance bitter; but those that are germane to
him, though removed fifty times, shall all come
under the hangman: which though it be great pity,
yet it is necessary. An old sheep-whistling rogue a
ram-tender, to offer to have his daughter come into
grace! Some say he shall be stoned; but that death
is too soft for him, say I draw our throne into a
sheep-cote! all deaths are too few, the sharpest too easy.
ClownHas the old man e'er a son, sir, do you hear. an't
like you, sir?
AUTOLYCUSHe has a son, who shall be flayed alive; then
'nointed over with honey, set on the head of a
wasp's nest; then stand till he be three quarters
and a dram dead; then recovered again with
aqua-vitae or some other hot infusion; then, raw as
he is, and in the hottest day prognostication
proclaims, shall be be set against a brick-wall, the
sun looking with a southward eye upon him, where he
is to behold him with flies blown to death. But what
talk we of these traitorly rascals, whose miseries
are to be smiled at, their offences being so
capital? Tell me, for you seem to be honest plain
men, what you have to the king: being something
gently considered, I'll bring you where he is
aboard, tender your persons to his presence,
whisper him in your behalfs; and if it be in man
besides the king to effect your suits, here is man
shall do it.
ClownHe seems to be of great authority: close with him,
give him gold; and though authority be a stubborn
bear, yet he is oft led by the nose with gold: show
the inside of your purse to the outside of his hand,
and no more ado. Remember 'stoned,' and 'flayed alive.'
ShepherdAn't please you, sir, to undertake the business for
us, here is that gold I have: I'll make it as much
more and leave this young man in pawn till I bring it you.
AUTOLYCUSAfter I have done what I promised?
ShepherdAy, sir.
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